Is Your Bank in Trouble?

After the collapse of two banks last week, you may wonder how secure your bank might be. Here are some signs your bank might be in trouble:

  • When you’re waiting at the drive-through, the bank manager squeegees your windshield for spare change
  • Instead of giving you a toaster when you open a new account, they give you toast
  • You try to withdraw some cash from the ATM, and the machine makes a sad trombone sound
  • Your ATM card is made of actual cardboard
  • They replaced the pens in the lobby with crayons – yet they’re still chained down
  • The tellers are so focused on their next job when they hand you your cash they ask you if you want fries with it

Not the News: March 17, 2021

Today’s top story:

Former President Trump is still saying he won the 2020 election.  Not only that, he now claims he’s won more Grammys than Beyonce.

in other news:

After President Biden’s dog Major nipped at a stranger recently, the dog is back in Delaware for some remedial training.  When asked about it, Biden said he’s not going to whack the dog on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper.  He’s saving that for Mitch McConnell.

Millions of Americans are finding those stimulus payments of $1,400 per person deposited in their bank accounts this week.  This means we’ll have a staggering betting pool for this year’s College Men’s Basketball Tournament.

Finally, today is St Patrick’s Day when Americans celebrate the man who drove the snakes from Ireland by driving their livers into the ground.