The big news is the potential combination of lawsuits and criminal charges that Donald Trump could soon face. So let’s see how well you’re keeping up with everything with a quick quiz.
Trump could get indicted for the payoffs to Stormy Daniels, the pressure he tried to put on Georgia to change the election outcome, his involvement in January Sixth, and the classified documents at Mar-a-Lago. The chance of multiple indictments at the same time would mean:
His legal team would be overloaded handling simultaneous cases
Trump’s campaign could get bogged down in bad news
If Trump collects four indictments, he wins a free personal pan pizza from Pizza Hut
The grand jury in Georgia is looking at Trump’s “perfect” phone call to Georgia officials demanding they “find” 11,000 votes to put the state in Trump’s win column. Trump said they could find those votes:
by looking for dead voters
by examining voting machines to see if they altered the results
in the couch cushions — you can find a lot of things in couch cushions
Former Vice President and 2024 presidential candidate Mike Pence is trying to avoid testifying before the January 6 grand jury. Pence wants to skip testifying because:
As President of the Senate, he’s covered by the Constitution’s Speech and Debate clause
He doesn’t want to upset the MAGA base that he’ll need to get the nomination
He REALLY wants to turn to Trump during a debate and say, “Remember that time you tried to get me killed? Good times. Good times.”
Former President Trump is still saying he won the 2020 election. Not only that, he now claims he’s won more Grammys than Beyonce.
in other news:
After President Biden’s dog Major nipped at a stranger recently, the dog is back in Delaware for some remedial training. When asked about it, Biden said he’s not going to whack the dog on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper. He’s saving that for Mitch McConnell.
Millions of Americans are finding those stimulus payments of $1,400 per person deposited in their bank accounts this week. This means we’ll have a staggering betting pool for this year’s College Men’s Basketball Tournament.
Finally, today is St Patrick’s Day when Americans celebrate the man who drove the snakes from Ireland by driving their livers into the ground.