Category: headlines

Haley’s Black Friends, Boebert Beating, Presidential Immunity: Headlines, January 9

by WillSmirk4Food, posted in headlines, Uncategorized

Here’s the latest from around the world and in your face.

Haley’s Civil War Gaffe Haunts Her Campaign, Says She Had Black Friends Growing Up

Nikki Haley, a Republican presidential contender, is facing criticism for her remarks on the cause of the Civil War and her attempt to defend them by saying she had Black friends growing up. Haley, who grew up in South Carolina, initially omitted slavery in her answer and later said the war was about freedom.

Keep in mind that Haley’s black friends were all named Huxtable.

Boebert in hot water: US Republican faces investigation over alleged restaurant brawl with ex-husband

US Republican Lauren Boebert has denied punching her ex-husband Jayson Boebert at a restaurant in Colorado, as police confirm an active investigation. The incident comes after Boebert was escorted out of a theatre in Denver for disruptive behavior, and announced she will run in 2024 in a different Colorado district.

Mr. Boebert isn’t interested in pressing charges. He told the Denver Post, “I don’t want nothing to happen.”

When he said that every English teacher in Colorado coughed up blood.

Trump’s Georgia Peach: Former President Claims Immunity from Criminal Charges in Peach State

Former President Donald Trump is seeking to have the criminal conspiracy case against him in Georgia dismissed by arguing he is protected from prosecution under presidential immunity. Trump’s lawyers claim that he was acting in his official capacity as president when he allegedly undermined the 2020 election results in Georgia and therefore cannot be criminally prosecuted unless he is impeached and convicted by the Senate.

And if this doesn’t work, he raided the Mar-a-Lago Monopoly set for the “Get out of jail free” card.

Trump’s Side Gig, It’s Britney bitch, & Insurrection: Headlines, January 5

by WillSmirk4Food, posted in headlines, Uncategorized

House Dems: Trump pocketed millions from foreign governments as president

House Democrats released a report based on documents from Trump’s accounting firm and a federal agency, revealing that Trump’s businesses received at least $7.8 million in payments from foreign governments and entities while he was in office. The Democrats alleged that these payments violated the Constitution’s Foreign Emoluments Clause, which prohibits federal officials from accepting gifts or benefits from foreign countries without congressional approval.

China rents whole floors in Trump Tower, Russian Oligarchs stay at Mar-a-Lago, and North Korea bought millions of “Make America Great Again” hats.

Britney Spears: I’m a ghostwriter now and I love it

Britney Spears has confirmed that she has no plans to release a new album, despite rumors. She says she is happy to write songs for other people as a ghostwriter, and that her memoir was published with her approval.

The first think Britney had to find out: a ghostwriter doesn’t have to be dead.

Trump’s 2024 Bid Under Fire: More Voters Challenge His Ballot Access

Voters in Illinois and Massachusetts have filed challenges to remove Donald Trump from the 2024 ballot under the 14th Amendment’s insurrectionist ban, which bars anyone who engaged in or supported insurrection against the US from holding office. The US Supreme Court is expected to review a Colorado ruling that found Trump ineligible to run for office, which could settle the matter for the whole country.

Trump’s lawyers have a big challenge trying to get a favorable ruling from the Supreme Court. For starters, their client doesn’t know how to spell “insurrection.”

Keeping you Abreast, a Wintry Weekend, & Green Day: Headlines, January 3

by WillSmirk4Food, posted in headlines, Humor

ESPN exposes more than just college football on New Year’s Day

ESPN’s New Year’s Day broadcast of the College Football Playoff semifinals was marred by a mishap that showed a woman flashing herself on Bourbon Street. The network faced ridicule and criticism for the blunder, which overshadowed the thrilling games on the field.

I want to know if the ESPN film crew threw the lass some beads.

Snow, Rain, and Wind: Winter Storm Threatens the East This Weekend

A winter storm will likely bring snow, rain, and wind to parts of the East this weekend, but the snowfall forecast is highly uncertain. The storm’s track and the availability of cold air are two factors that will determine how much snow will fall and where especially near the Interstate 95 corridor.

The worst part is some people on the East Coast still can’t remember where they parked their cars on New Year’s Eve.

Green Day Slams ‘MAGA Agenda’ in New Year’s Eve Show, Sparks Outrage Among Trump Fans

Green Day altered the lyrics of their 2004 hit “American Idiot” to denounce Trump supporters during their performance at Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve With Ryan Seacrest. The punk trio, with a history of anti-Trump activism, faced a backlash from angry fans on Twitter while preparing to release their new album, Saviors, later this month.

Trump supporters were all up in arms, asking the band, “Can’t you be less political, like those nice boys in ‘Rage Against the Machine?'”

Denmark’s Queen, Times Square, and Robot Judges: Headlines for Tuesday, January 2

by WillSmirk4Food, posted in headlines

Queen Margrethe to abdicate after 52 years, says ‘now is the right time’

Denmark’s Queen Margrethe II announced her abdication in her New Year’s speech, saying she will hand over the throne to her son, Crown Prince Frederik, on January 14, 2024. The 83-year-old monarch cited her age, health, and the changing times as the reasons for her decision, and thanked the Danish people for their support.

In addition to Denmark, soon-to-be King Frederik also will become King of Greenland. However, to keep that title, once a year he has to fight the Abominable Snow Monster.

abominable-snow-monster

New York City rang in 2024 with Sparkle and Security

New York City held its annual massive New Year’s Eve celebration in Times Square Sunday night, with a dazzling ball drop and tight security measures. Hundreds of thousands of people joined the party, while the NYPD and the FBI assured there were no credible threats to the city.

The one security threat that nobody could protect against in the crowd: a drunk peeing on your shoes.

Roberts Touts AI in Courts, Dodges Ethics and Trump Issues

Chief Justice John Roberts praised the potential of artificial intelligence to improve access and efficiency in the federal courts but warned of the risks and limitations of relying on it. He did not comment on the ethical practices of the Supreme Court justices or the legal cases involving Donald Trump, which could affect the 2024 election.

Roberts’ biggest issue with AI is that billionaires can’t bribe robots.

Stink, Kansas, the Chinese Spy Balloon, and Trans Rights: Headlines for Monday, January 1

by WillSmirk4Food, posted in headlines, Humor

TRUMP HAS A CERTAIN “AIR” ABOUT HIM

Adam Kinzinger revealed that the ex-president reeks of a disgusting combination of armpits, ketchup, butt and makeup. 

Ivanka is going to cash in by turning Trump’s stench into a cologne. (“You too can smell just like your president!”)

Update: Someone mentioned the makeup smell could come from the iodine in cheap bronzer. Which means the greatest threat Trump faces is paper cuts.

Update two: Trump Fixer Michael Cohen says Trump (AKA “Donald von Shitzenpants”) craps himself. Video here. 

Update three: Eventually we’ll get a book about this: ”The Fart of the Deal.”

How Kansas Became the Hottest Economy in the US by Electing a Democrat.

This article reveals how Governor Laura Kelly’s policies of supporting key industries, reversing tax cuts, and increasing public spending led to unprecedented economic growth and reduced income inequality in Kansas.

There’s been a big expansion in industries like scarecrows, tin men, and cowardly lions.

CHINA’S SPY BALLOON RELIED ON DIAL-UP?

A Chinese surveillance balloon that flew over the US in 2023 used an American internet service provider to communicate with Beijing, according to a US official.

It’s amazing what lengths the Chinese Communists will go to to watch American porn.

Ohio Governor Vetoes Anti-Trans Bill, Shocks His Own Party.

Mike DeWine, a Republican, rejected a bill that would ban gender-affirming care for trans youth and transgender athletes from competing in girls’ and women’s sports, citing the need to respect parents and physicians.*

Now if we could only get Republicans to respect minorities and poor people.

* DeWine vetoed a bill that would ban gender-affirming care for minors, but then issued new regulations that would severely restrict access to such care for both minors and adults. The regulations would require providers to report detailed data on trans patients to the state and obtain approval from a multidisciplinary team before offering any care. The article exposes the governor’s deceptive and harmful strategy to undermine trans rights and health.