Author: WillSmirk4Food

I'm a sardonic wit, but that just means I'm a wise ass.

Trump’s Legal Troubles: A Quiz

by WillSmirk4Food, posted in crime, Humor, Trump, Uncategorized

The big news is the potential combination of lawsuits and criminal charges that Donald Trump could soon face. So let’s see how well you’re keeping up with everything with a quick quiz.

Question 1

Trump could get indicted for the payoffs to Stormy Daniels, the pressure he tried to put on Georgia to change the election outcome, his involvement in January Sixth, and the classified documents at Mar-a-Lago. The chance of multiple indictments at the same time would mean:

  • His legal team would be overloaded handling simultaneous cases
  • Trump’s campaign could get bogged down in bad news
  • If Trump collects four indictments, he wins a free personal pan pizza from Pizza Hut

question 2

The grand jury in Georgia is looking at Trump’s “perfect” phone call to Georgia officials demanding they “find” 11,000 votes to put the state in Trump’s win column. Trump said they could find those votes:

  • by looking for dead voters
  • by examining voting machines to see if they altered the results
  • in the couch cushions — you can find a lot of things in couch cushions

question 3

Former Vice President and 2024 presidential candidate Mike Pence is trying to avoid testifying before the January 6 grand jury. Pence wants to skip testifying because:

  • As President of the Senate, he’s covered by the Constitution’s Speech and Debate clause
  • He doesn’t want to upset the MAGA base that he’ll need to get the nomination
  • He REALLY wants to turn to Trump during a debate and say, “Remember that time you tried to get me killed? Good times. Good times.”

Is Your Bank in Trouble?

by WillSmirk4Food, posted in Humor

After the collapse of two banks last week, you may wonder how secure your bank might be. Here are some signs your bank might be in trouble:

  • When you’re waiting at the drive-through, the bank manager squeegees your windshield for spare change
  • Instead of giving you a toaster when you open a new account, they give you toast
  • You try to withdraw some cash from the ATM, and the machine makes a sad trombone sound
  • Your ATM card is made of actual cardboard
  • They replaced the pens in the lobby with crayons – yet they’re still chained down
  • The tellers are so focused on their next job when they hand you your cash they ask you if you want fries with it

Not the News: March 17, 2021

by WillSmirk4Food, posted in Uncategorized

Today’s top story:

Former President Trump is still saying he won the 2020 election.  Not only that, he now claims he’s won more Grammys than Beyonce.

in other news:

After President Biden’s dog Major nipped at a stranger recently, the dog is back in Delaware for some remedial training.  When asked about it, Biden said he’s not going to whack the dog on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper.  He’s saving that for Mitch McConnell.

Millions of Americans are finding those stimulus payments of $1,400 per person deposited in their bank accounts this week.  This means we’ll have a staggering betting pool for this year’s College Men’s Basketball Tournament.

Finally, today is St Patrick’s Day when Americans celebrate the man who drove the snakes from Ireland by driving their livers into the ground.

The GOP and Catholicism

by WillSmirk4Food, posted in Uncategorized

With the confirmation hearing for Coney Barrett, the GOP has tried to claim the Democrats are making an issue of her Catholic faith.

But the Democrats have nominated Catholics to run for President: Al Smith, JFK, John Kerry, and Biden.

Of course, the GOP has nominated Catholics for the White House, too. Like… Um…

Well maybe they can pick one for 2024.