Trump’s Legal Troubles: A Quiz

The big news is the potential combination of lawsuits and criminal charges that Donald Trump could soon face. So let’s see how well you’re keeping up with everything with a quick quiz.

Question 1

Trump could get indicted for the payoffs to Stormy Daniels, the pressure he tried to put on Georgia to change the election outcome, his involvement in January Sixth, and the classified documents at Mar-a-Lago. The chance of multiple indictments at the same time would mean:

  • His legal team would be overloaded handling simultaneous cases
  • Trump’s campaign could get bogged down in bad news
  • If Trump collects four indictments, he wins a free personal pan pizza from Pizza Hut

question 2

The grand jury in Georgia is looking at Trump’s “perfect” phone call to Georgia officials demanding they “find” 11,000 votes to put the state in Trump’s win column. Trump said they could find those votes:

  • by looking for dead voters
  • by examining voting machines to see if they altered the results
  • in the couch cushions — you can find a lot of things in couch cushions

question 3

Former Vice President and 2024 presidential candidate Mike Pence is trying to avoid testifying before the January 6 grand jury. Pence wants to skip testifying because:

  • As President of the Senate, he’s covered by the Constitution’s Speech and Debate clause
  • He doesn’t want to upset the MAGA base that he’ll need to get the nomination
  • He REALLY wants to turn to Trump during a debate and say, “Remember that time you tried to get me killed? Good times. Good times.”

Is Your Bank in Trouble?

After the collapse of two banks last week, you may wonder how secure your bank might be. Here are some signs your bank might be in trouble:

  • When you’re waiting at the drive-through, the bank manager squeegees your windshield for spare change
  • Instead of giving you a toaster when you open a new account, they give you toast
  • You try to withdraw some cash from the ATM, and the machine makes a sad trombone sound
  • Your ATM card is made of actual cardboard
  • They replaced the pens in the lobby with crayons – yet they’re still chained down
  • The tellers are so focused on their next job when they hand you your cash they ask you if you want fries with it

Seriously? You Could Take On Serena?

Serena may have lost to Simona Halep in yesterday’s Wimbledon Singles final, but she’s probably the best female tennis player at the moment.

Yet a survey in Great Britain found one in eight men think they could take a point from Serena.

The only way I could take a point from Serena would be if she double faulted.

You have two choices on how to survive Planet X ‘when Nibiru wipes out Earth this Saturday’

I’d go with option one.

UPDATE: No Change — still no problem.

UPDATE 2: Sorry — false alarm.

“The world is not ending, but the world as we know it is ending,” he told The Washington Post. “A major part of the world will not be the same the beginning of October.”

So if you have bills due next week, plan on paying them. You no longer have hookers and blow money.

UPDATE 3: This just gets better and better