Category: Humor

NRA Executive VP Steps Down, Says He’s Proud of His Accomplishments and His Closet Full of Designer Suits

by WillSmirk4Food, posted in guns, Humor, Uncategorized

The Executive VP of the National Rifle Association, Wayne LaPierre, has resigned from the organization, ahead of the start of a civil corruption trial. New York Attorney General Leticia James is suing NRA executives for corruption, accusing them of diverting NRA cash for personal use, like designer clothes, fancy trips on private jets, and luxury cruises. 

He cited health issues as his reason for resigning. Because sitting in court getting your ass sued can really wear on your well-being. 

No word if LaPierre is going to start his own line of high-end clothing. He could call it “Giorio Right to Bear Armani”

It takes a lot of guts to grift an organization where you know all your members have weapons.

Remember when we thought that laundering Russian money into the Trump campaign was the worst thing they could do?

In the meantime, we can all offer LaPierre and the NRA our thoughts are prayers. While we’re stifling our laughter.

The Big No-Nos After Sex:

by WillSmirk4Food, posted in Humor, List

A sex and intimacy coach reveals the seven things you should never do after having sex, such as checking your phone, talking about your ex, or jumping out of bed. She explains that these actions can disconnect you from your partner and ruin the energy transfer that occurs during and after sex. There are some other things that you probably shouldn’t do after sex:

  • Say “Wow. I hope the nanny cam caught all that action!”
  • Ask your roommate to come in the bedroom to give you a high five.
  • Roll over, grab your teddy bear, and fall asleep.
  • Three words: Post on Facebook.
  • Well, it’s a little late for this now, but the one thing you should have done after sex is ask Jeffrey Epstein to take your name off the guest list.

Keeping you Abreast, a Wintry Weekend, & Green Day: Headlines, January 3

by WillSmirk4Food, posted in headlines, Humor

ESPN exposes more than just college football on New Year’s Day

ESPN’s New Year’s Day broadcast of the College Football Playoff semifinals was marred by a mishap that showed a woman flashing herself on Bourbon Street. The network faced ridicule and criticism for the blunder, which overshadowed the thrilling games on the field.

I want to know if the ESPN film crew threw the lass some beads.

Snow, Rain, and Wind: Winter Storm Threatens the East This Weekend

A winter storm will likely bring snow, rain, and wind to parts of the East this weekend, but the snowfall forecast is highly uncertain. The storm’s track and the availability of cold air are two factors that will determine how much snow will fall and where especially near the Interstate 95 corridor.

The worst part is some people on the East Coast still can’t remember where they parked their cars on New Year’s Eve.

Green Day Slams ‘MAGA Agenda’ in New Year’s Eve Show, Sparks Outrage Among Trump Fans

Green Day altered the lyrics of their 2004 hit “American Idiot” to denounce Trump supporters during their performance at Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve With Ryan Seacrest. The punk trio, with a history of anti-Trump activism, faced a backlash from angry fans on Twitter while preparing to release their new album, Saviors, later this month.

Trump supporters were all up in arms, asking the band, “Can’t you be less political, like those nice boys in ‘Rage Against the Machine?'”

Stink, Kansas, the Chinese Spy Balloon, and Trans Rights: Headlines for Monday, January 1

by WillSmirk4Food, posted in headlines, Humor

TRUMP HAS A CERTAIN “AIR” ABOUT HIM

Adam Kinzinger revealed that the ex-president reeks of a disgusting combination of armpits, ketchup, butt and makeup. 

Ivanka is going to cash in by turning Trump’s stench into a cologne. (“You too can smell just like your president!”)

Update: Someone mentioned the makeup smell could come from the iodine in cheap bronzer. Which means the greatest threat Trump faces is paper cuts.

Update two: Trump Fixer Michael Cohen says Trump (AKA “Donald von Shitzenpants”) craps himself. Video here. 

Update three: Eventually we’ll get a book about this: ”The Fart of the Deal.”

How Kansas Became the Hottest Economy in the US by Electing a Democrat.

This article reveals how Governor Laura Kelly’s policies of supporting key industries, reversing tax cuts, and increasing public spending led to unprecedented economic growth and reduced income inequality in Kansas.

There’s been a big expansion in industries like scarecrows, tin men, and cowardly lions.

CHINA’S SPY BALLOON RELIED ON DIAL-UP?

A Chinese surveillance balloon that flew over the US in 2023 used an American internet service provider to communicate with Beijing, according to a US official.

It’s amazing what lengths the Chinese Communists will go to to watch American porn.

Ohio Governor Vetoes Anti-Trans Bill, Shocks His Own Party.

Mike DeWine, a Republican, rejected a bill that would ban gender-affirming care for trans youth and transgender athletes from competing in girls’ and women’s sports, citing the need to respect parents and physicians.*

Now if we could only get Republicans to respect minorities and poor people.

* DeWine vetoed a bill that would ban gender-affirming care for minors, but then issued new regulations that would severely restrict access to such care for both minors and adults. The regulations would require providers to report detailed data on trans patients to the state and obtain approval from a multidisciplinary team before offering any care. The article exposes the governor’s deceptive and harmful strategy to undermine trans rights and health.

We Will Miss All of George Santos’s Accomplishments

by WillSmirk4Food, posted in Celebrity, crime, Humor, LGBT, Politics, random thoughts, Republicans

Now that the House of Representatives has ousted George Santos from his seat, we should take a moment to remember all of the things that Santos has done over the years.

  • Winning the Heisman Trophy as a punter for Appalachian State
  • Taking the famous photo of the Marines raising the flag on Iwo Jima
  • Writing the screenplay for Everything Everywhere All at Once
  • Playing the voice of Daffy Duck in Space Jam 2

As a side note, Santos left the House chamber before the vote was completed. He was probably checking the pockets of coats hung up in the coat room to look for loose change.

And then there’s this:

A Real TV Dinner?

by WillSmirk4Food, posted in Humor, media, Popular Culture, random thoughts, Recipes, Strange News, Television

Netflix is opening a pop-up restaurant that will feature entrees from its cooking shows.

Does that mean you pay a monthly subscription fee and every so often they mail you food?

I hope they’re limiting the entrees to their cooking shows. If you can order something from the series Dahmer, I think I’ll pass.

Trump’s Legal Troubles: A Quiz

by WillSmirk4Food, posted in crime, Humor, Trump, Uncategorized

The big news is the potential combination of lawsuits and criminal charges that Donald Trump could soon face. So let’s see how well you’re keeping up with everything with a quick quiz.

Question 1

Trump could get indicted for the payoffs to Stormy Daniels, the pressure he tried to put on Georgia to change the election outcome, his involvement in January Sixth, and the classified documents at Mar-a-Lago. The chance of multiple indictments at the same time would mean:

  • His legal team would be overloaded handling simultaneous cases
  • Trump’s campaign could get bogged down in bad news
  • If Trump collects four indictments, he wins a free personal pan pizza from Pizza Hut

question 2

The grand jury in Georgia is looking at Trump’s “perfect” phone call to Georgia officials demanding they “find” 11,000 votes to put the state in Trump’s win column. Trump said they could find those votes:

  • by looking for dead voters
  • by examining voting machines to see if they altered the results
  • in the couch cushions — you can find a lot of things in couch cushions

question 3

Former Vice President and 2024 presidential candidate Mike Pence is trying to avoid testifying before the January 6 grand jury. Pence wants to skip testifying because:

  • As President of the Senate, he’s covered by the Constitution’s Speech and Debate clause
  • He doesn’t want to upset the MAGA base that he’ll need to get the nomination
  • He REALLY wants to turn to Trump during a debate and say, “Remember that time you tried to get me killed? Good times. Good times.”

Is Your Bank in Trouble?

by WillSmirk4Food, posted in Humor

After the collapse of two banks last week, you may wonder how secure your bank might be. Here are some signs your bank might be in trouble:

  • When you’re waiting at the drive-through, the bank manager squeegees your windshield for spare change
  • Instead of giving you a toaster when you open a new account, they give you toast
  • You try to withdraw some cash from the ATM, and the machine makes a sad trombone sound
  • Your ATM card is made of actual cardboard
  • They replaced the pens in the lobby with crayons – yet they’re still chained down
  • The tellers are so focused on their next job when they hand you your cash they ask you if you want fries with it

Seriously? You Could Take On Serena?

by WillSmirk4Food, posted in Humor, Sports

Serena may have lost to Simona Halep in yesterday’s Wimbledon Singles final, but she’s probably the best female tennis player at the moment.

Yet a you.gov survey in Great Britain found one in eight men think they could take a point from Serena.


The only way I could take a point from Serena would be if she double faulted.

Nailed It!

by WillSmirk4Food, posted in Humor

I helped my son move this weekend. After it was over, I did the online check-in for a returned U-haul truck. The last requirement is to send U-haul a picture of the truck to show I had left it off at the right place.

Good thing I bought the extra insurance.