Today, Donald Trump began offering indulgences to purchasers of $TRUMP cryptocurrency. Those who purchase this cryptocurrency will be guaranteed a pardon for federal criminal acts committed while Trump is in office.
“My lawyers say I can pardon whoever I want,” Trump explained. “Since I’m pardoning my supporters like the Chrisleys, why not make pardons into a sound business?”
Democrats point out that this is tantamount to bribery and note that in the 16th century, it led to Martin Luther and the Protestant Reformation.
Trump responded to the accusation: “I didn’t know Martin Luther King cared about this.”
Keep in mind that Haley’s black friends were all named Huxtable.
Boebert in hot water: US Republican faces investigation over alleged restaurant brawl with ex-husband
US Republican Lauren Boebert has denied punching her ex-husband Jayson Boebert at a restaurant in Colorado, as police confirm an active investigation. The incident comes after Boebert was escorted out of a theatre in Denver for disruptive behavior, and announced she will run in 2024 in a different Colorado district.
Mr. Boebert isn’t interested in pressing charges. He told the Denver Post, “I don’t want nothing to happen.”
When he said that every English teacher in Colorado coughed up blood.
Trump’s Georgia Peach: Former President Claims Immunity from Criminal Charges in Peach State
The Executive VP of the National Rifle Association, Wayne LaPierre, has resigned from the organization, ahead of the start of a civil corruption trial. New York Attorney General Leticia James is suing NRA executives for corruption, accusing them of diverting NRA cash for personal use, like designer clothes, fancy trips on private jets, and luxury cruises.
He cited health issues as his reason for resigning. Because sitting in court getting your ass sued can really wear on your well-being.
No word if LaPierre is going to start his own line of high-end clothing. He could call it “Giorio Right to Bear Armani”
It takes a lot of guts to grift an organization where you know all your members have weapons.
House Dems: Trump pocketed millions from foreign governments as president
House Democrats released a report based on documents from Trump’s accounting firm and a federal agency, revealing that Trump’s businesses received at least $7.8 million in payments from foreign governments and entities while he was in office. The Democrats alleged that these payments violated the Constitution’s Foreign Emoluments Clause, which prohibits federal officials from accepting gifts or benefits from foreign countries without congressional approval.
China rents whole floors in Trump Tower, Russian Oligarchs stay at Mar-a-Lago, and North Korea bought millions of “Make America Great Again” hats.
Britney Spears: I’m a ghostwriter now and I love it
Trump’s lawyers have a big challenge trying to get a favorable ruling from the Supreme Court. For starters, their client doesn’t know how to spell “insurrection.”
The big news is the potential combination of lawsuits and criminal charges that Donald Trump could soon face. So let’s see how well you’re keeping up with everything with a quick quiz.
Question 1
Trump could get indicted for the payoffs to Stormy Daniels, the pressure he tried to put on Georgia to change the election outcome, his involvement in January Sixth, and the classified documents at Mar-a-Lago. The chance of multiple indictments at the same time would mean:
His legal team would be overloaded handling simultaneous cases
Trump’s campaign could get bogged down in bad news
If Trump collects four indictments, he wins a free personal pan pizza from Pizza Hut
question 2
The grand jury in Georgia is looking at Trump’s “perfect” phone call to Georgia officials demanding they “find” 11,000 votes to put the state in Trump’s win column. Trump said they could find those votes:
by looking for dead voters
by examining voting machines to see if they altered the results
in the couch cushions — you can find a lot of things in couch cushions
question 3
Former Vice President and 2024 presidential candidate Mike Pence is trying to avoid testifying before the January 6 grand jury. Pence wants to skip testifying because:
As President of the Senate, he’s covered by the Constitution’s Speech and Debate clause
He doesn’t want to upset the MAGA base that he’ll need to get the nomination
He REALLY wants to turn to Trump during a debate and say, “Remember that time you tried to get me killed? Good times. Good times.”
Will Smirk for Food 