Category: headlines

Jailbird Bannon, Boeing Hook-Up, & The Veep Race Heats Up: Headlines, June 6, 2024

by WillSmirk4Food, posted in headlines

Steve bannon headed to the pokey

Former Trump advisor has been ordered to report to prison to serve his sentence for contempt of Congress. Bannon had lost his most recent appeal, and had planned to keep appealing until he could serve his sentence in a nursing home.

One small step for boeing

Despite some problems with thrusters, Boeing’s Starliner spacecraft hooked up with the International Space Station. And this is after a string of technical problems that kept delaying the test launch. If there were any more delays, NASA was going to have to switch to hiring Uber.

TRUMP HAS A SHORT LIST

Trump has eliminated potential Vice Presidental candidates — like the ones that shoot puppies — and now has narrowed down his prospect to a handful. Further vetting is planned, and then Trump will judge the final phase: the swimsuit competition.

Georgia on Trump’s Mind, Mirth Control, & Boeing in Orbit: Headlines, June 5, 2024

by WillSmirk4Food, posted in headlines

The georgia voter fraud case is on hold

A Georgia appeals court has paused the voter fraud case against Donald Trump and others while it decides if the prosecutor can stay on the case. The issue is whether Fani Willis had an improper relationship with a special prosecutor. The appeals court will decide the case on it’s own schedule, while Trump wants the court to keep the case on hold until Satan purchases a Zamboni.

GOP: say no to the pill

Senate Republicans blocked a bill that would guarantee access to birth control. Democrats want to make sure that Americans have the ability for family planning, while the GOP takes note while watching “The Handmaid’s Tale.”

boeing in space

The Boeing Starliner spaceship has launched off from Cape Canaveral. And the best news is, none of the doors fell off.

What Happens in Vegas Catches Fire, Cyndi Says Goodbye, & We’re All Gonna Die: Headlines for June 4, 2024.

by WillSmirk4Food, posted in headlines

HOW HOT IS IT?

The first major heat wave will hit the Southwest this week, with temps nearing 110°. In a new promotion tied to the weather, one-arm bandits in Vegas casinos won’t dispense quarters, they’ll give winners ice cubes.

cYNDI LAUPER IS HANGING IT UP

Cyndi Lauper has announced her farewell tour. So from now on, girls just want the early bird special.

New National Pastime: chest pain

By 2050, over 60% of adults in the US will suffer from heart disease. That’s what we get for trying McDonald’s new sandwich, The Filet O’Pork Rinds.

Hunter’s Trial, Green vs. Fauci, and Mexico’s First Woman President: Headlines, June 3, 2023.

by WillSmirk4Food, posted in headlines

So did you spend the morning chopping cotton or bailing hay?

THE HUNTER BIDEN TRIAL GETS UNDERWAY.

A jury has been selected for Hunter Biden’s trial on gun charges. While the President has shown fatherly support for Hunter, I’m not sure how things will go if the Thanksgiving Dinner invitation list has to include Hunter’s probation officer.

MTG ON THE WARPATH AGAINST DR. FAUCI

Marjorie Taylor Green raked Dr. Fauci over the coals in a Congressional Hearing. Her tantrum was so intense WWE wrestlers were taking notes.

mexico elects a jewish woman as president

Okay, this is an old joke but I’m going to tell it anyway.

Claudia Sheinbaum will become Mexico’s first Jewish president and its first woman president. At the inauguration, while she’s taking the oath, Ms. Sheinbaum’s mother will nudge the person next to her and say, “See that woman? Her brother is a doctor!”

And we know what an old racist Trump is. He’s probably thinking, “We can get Mexico to pay for the wall! Their president can get it wholesale!!!”

J-Lo Cancels Tour, Lots of Hurricanes, & Kim Still Littering: Headlines June 2, 2024.

by WillSmirk4Food, posted in headlines

By the way, it’s my daughter’s birthday today.

No summer concert tour for Jennifer Lopez

J-Lo will not tour this summer as planned. I guess it wasn’t a good idea to call it the “I’m not Taylor Swift” tour.

ANOTHER BUSY HURRICANE SEASON

Higher-than-average water temperatures in the North Atlantic mean that we could have more hurricanes this year. People in the southeast US have to prepare for a busy hurricane season by making sure they have sufficient provisions, planning evacuation routes, and moving to Idaho.

NORTH KOREA LOFTING MORE TRASH INTO SOUTH KOREA

North Korea has launched another 600 trash-filled balloons into South Korea. Either this represents a further escalation of diplomatic tensions between the two nations, or Kim Jong-Un has gotten really serious this year about spring cleaning.

Kim’s Poop Balloons, Trump’s Stormy Trial, & Go Tell it on The Mountain: Headlines May 29

by WillSmirk4Food, posted in headlines

My apologies for the lag in creating posts

North korea launches balloons against south Korea filled with garbage and manure

North Korea responded to propaganda leaflets launched from South Korea with balloons filled with garbage and manure. Later Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un used diplomatic back channels to ask President Biden if his refrigerator was running.

THE JURY BEGINS DELIBERATION IN THE TRUMP HUSH MONEY TRIAL.

The New York Jury is now deciding whether Trump broke the law in paying off Stormy Daniels to keep her quiet about their sexual liaison years ago. While the prosecution covered the money trail, the “catch and kill” conspiracy with The National Enquirer, and payments to Michael Cohen, they didn’t answer the biggest question: how small is Trump’s penis.

HAPPY MOUNT EVEREST DAY

May 29th is the day we celebrate the anniversary of a guy named Hillary reaching the summit of Mount Everest. Climbing Mount Everest takes skill and a great deal of bravery. It’s almost as dangerous as telling Trump he’s going to get convicted.

Haley’s Black Friends, Boebert Beating, Presidential Immunity: Headlines, January 9

by WillSmirk4Food, posted in headlines, Uncategorized

Here’s the latest from around the world and in your face.

Haley’s Civil War Gaffe Haunts Her Campaign, Says She Had Black Friends Growing Up

Nikki Haley, a Republican presidential contender, is facing criticism for her remarks on the cause of the Civil War and her attempt to defend them by saying she had Black friends growing up. Haley, who grew up in South Carolina, initially omitted slavery in her answer and later said the war was about freedom.

Keep in mind that Haley’s black friends were all named Huxtable.

Boebert in hot water: US Republican faces investigation over alleged restaurant brawl with ex-husband

US Republican Lauren Boebert has denied punching her ex-husband Jayson Boebert at a restaurant in Colorado, as police confirm an active investigation. The incident comes after Boebert was escorted out of a theatre in Denver for disruptive behavior, and announced she will run in 2024 in a different Colorado district.

Mr. Boebert isn’t interested in pressing charges. He told the Denver Post, “I don’t want nothing to happen.”

When he said that every English teacher in Colorado coughed up blood.

Trump’s Georgia Peach: Former President Claims Immunity from Criminal Charges in Peach State

Former President Donald Trump is seeking to have the criminal conspiracy case against him in Georgia dismissed by arguing he is protected from prosecution under presidential immunity. Trump’s lawyers claim that he was acting in his official capacity as president when he allegedly undermined the 2020 election results in Georgia and therefore cannot be criminally prosecuted unless he is impeached and convicted by the Senate.

And if this doesn’t work, he raided the Mar-a-Lago Monopoly set for the “Get out of jail free” card.

Trump’s Side Gig, It’s Britney bitch, & Insurrection: Headlines, January 5

by WillSmirk4Food, posted in headlines, Uncategorized

House Dems: Trump pocketed millions from foreign governments as president

House Democrats released a report based on documents from Trump’s accounting firm and a federal agency, revealing that Trump’s businesses received at least $7.8 million in payments from foreign governments and entities while he was in office. The Democrats alleged that these payments violated the Constitution’s Foreign Emoluments Clause, which prohibits federal officials from accepting gifts or benefits from foreign countries without congressional approval.

China rents whole floors in Trump Tower, Russian Oligarchs stay at Mar-a-Lago, and North Korea bought millions of “Make America Great Again” hats.

Britney Spears: I’m a ghostwriter now and I love it

Britney Spears has confirmed that she has no plans to release a new album, despite rumors. She says she is happy to write songs for other people as a ghostwriter, and that her memoir was published with her approval.

The first think Britney had to find out: a ghostwriter doesn’t have to be dead.

Trump’s 2024 Bid Under Fire: More Voters Challenge His Ballot Access

Voters in Illinois and Massachusetts have filed challenges to remove Donald Trump from the 2024 ballot under the 14th Amendment’s insurrectionist ban, which bars anyone who engaged in or supported insurrection against the US from holding office. The US Supreme Court is expected to review a Colorado ruling that found Trump ineligible to run for office, which could settle the matter for the whole country.

Trump’s lawyers have a big challenge trying to get a favorable ruling from the Supreme Court. For starters, their client doesn’t know how to spell “insurrection.”

Keeping you Abreast, a Wintry Weekend, & Green Day: Headlines, January 3

by WillSmirk4Food, posted in headlines, Humor

ESPN exposes more than just college football on New Year’s Day

ESPN’s New Year’s Day broadcast of the College Football Playoff semifinals was marred by a mishap that showed a woman flashing herself on Bourbon Street. The network faced ridicule and criticism for the blunder, which overshadowed the thrilling games on the field.

I want to know if the ESPN film crew threw the lass some beads.

Snow, Rain, and Wind: Winter Storm Threatens the East This Weekend

A winter storm will likely bring snow, rain, and wind to parts of the East this weekend, but the snowfall forecast is highly uncertain. The storm’s track and the availability of cold air are two factors that will determine how much snow will fall and where especially near the Interstate 95 corridor.

The worst part is some people on the East Coast still can’t remember where they parked their cars on New Year’s Eve.

Green Day Slams ‘MAGA Agenda’ in New Year’s Eve Show, Sparks Outrage Among Trump Fans

Green Day altered the lyrics of their 2004 hit “American Idiot” to denounce Trump supporters during their performance at Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve With Ryan Seacrest. The punk trio, with a history of anti-Trump activism, faced a backlash from angry fans on Twitter while preparing to release their new album, Saviors, later this month.

Trump supporters were all up in arms, asking the band, “Can’t you be less political, like those nice boys in ‘Rage Against the Machine?'”

Denmark’s Queen, Times Square, and Robot Judges: Headlines for Tuesday, January 2

by WillSmirk4Food, posted in headlines

Queen Margrethe to abdicate after 52 years, says ‘now is the right time’

Denmark’s Queen Margrethe II announced her abdication in her New Year’s speech, saying she will hand over the throne to her son, Crown Prince Frederik, on January 14, 2024. The 83-year-old monarch cited her age, health, and the changing times as the reasons for her decision, and thanked the Danish people for their support.

In addition to Denmark, soon-to-be King Frederik also will become King of Greenland. However, to keep that title, once a year he has to fight the Abominable Snow Monster.

abominable-snow-monster

New York City rang in 2024 with Sparkle and Security

New York City held its annual massive New Year’s Eve celebration in Times Square Sunday night, with a dazzling ball drop and tight security measures. Hundreds of thousands of people joined the party, while the NYPD and the FBI assured there were no credible threats to the city.

The one security threat that nobody could protect against in the crowd: a drunk peeing on your shoes.

Roberts Touts AI in Courts, Dodges Ethics and Trump Issues

Chief Justice John Roberts praised the potential of artificial intelligence to improve access and efficiency in the federal courts but warned of the risks and limitations of relying on it. He did not comment on the ethical practices of the Supreme Court justices or the legal cases involving Donald Trump, which could affect the 2024 election.

Roberts’ biggest issue with AI is that billionaires can’t bribe robots.