So this screen shot showed up on Reddit.
Author: WillSmirk4Food
I'm a sardonic wit, but that just means I'm a wise ass.
New New Yorker
Yesterday was spent digging out from a snowstorm, so no post this morning. But here is the new New Yorker cover.
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Haley’s Black Friends, Boebert Beating, Presidential Immunity: Headlines, January 9
Here’s the latest from around the world and in your face.
Haley’s Civil War Gaffe Haunts Her Campaign, Says She Had Black Friends Growing Up
Nikki Haley, a Republican presidential contender, is facing criticism for her remarks on the cause of the Civil War and her attempt to defend them by saying she had Black friends growing up. Haley, who grew up in South Carolina, initially omitted slavery in her answer and later said the war was about freedom.
Keep in mind that Haley’s black friends were all named Huxtable.
Boebert in hot water: US Republican faces investigation over alleged restaurant brawl with ex-husband
US Republican Lauren Boebert has denied punching her ex-husband Jayson Boebert at a restaurant in Colorado, as police confirm an active investigation. The incident comes after Boebert was escorted out of a theatre in Denver for disruptive behavior, and announced she will run in 2024 in a different Colorado district.
Mr. Boebert isn’t interested in pressing charges. He told the Denver Post, “I don’t want nothing to happen.”
When he said that every English teacher in Colorado coughed up blood.
Trump’s Georgia Peach: Former President Claims Immunity from Criminal Charges in Peach State
Former President Donald Trump is seeking to have the criminal conspiracy case against him in Georgia dismissed by arguing he is protected from prosecution under presidential immunity. Trump’s lawyers claim that he was acting in his official capacity as president when he allegedly undermined the 2020 election results in Georgia and therefore cannot be criminally prosecuted unless he is impeached and convicted by the Senate.
And if this doesn’t work, he raided the Mar-a-Lago Monopoly set for the “Get out of jail free” card.
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When Your College Football Team Isn’t Playoff Material
The Michigan Wolverines face off against the Washington Huskies in the 2024 College Football Playoff tonight. Maybe you’d like to see your team make the playoffs next season. But it may not happen, especially if your team isn’t very good.
Here are some signs that your college football team isn’t playoff material:
- The offensive linemen were challenged to a game of “Red Rover” by a local middle school. They lost.
- Game highlights aren’t shown on ESPN’s “Sports Center.” They’re shown on “America’s Funniest Home Videos.”
- Most of the team’s game balls have gone to the punter.
- The last thing your wide receiver caught was food poisoning
- The players commit so many penalties, your coaching staff includes a probation officer
- The other team stole your signals but gave them back out of pity.
- The coaching staff can’t come up with an offensive strategy, a defensive game plan, and on their way to the stadium the team bus got lost.
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As We Remember January 6th…
NRA Executive VP Steps Down, Says He’s Proud of His Accomplishments and His Closet Full of Designer Suits
The Executive VP of the National Rifle Association, Wayne LaPierre, has resigned from the organization, ahead of the start of a civil corruption trial. New York Attorney General Leticia James is suing NRA executives for corruption, accusing them of diverting NRA cash for personal use, like designer clothes, fancy trips on private jets, and luxury cruises.
He cited health issues as his reason for resigning. Because sitting in court getting your ass sued can really wear on your well-being.
No word if LaPierre is going to start his own line of high-end clothing. He could call it “Giorio Right to Bear Armani”
It takes a lot of guts to grift an organization where you know all your members have weapons.
Remember when we thought that laundering Russian money into the Trump campaign was the worst thing they could do?
In the meantime, we can all offer LaPierre and the NRA our thoughts are prayers. While we’re stifling our laughter.
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Trump’s Side Gig, It’s Britney bitch, & Insurrection: Headlines, January 5
House Dems: Trump pocketed millions from foreign governments as president
House Democrats released a report based on documents from Trump’s accounting firm and a federal agency, revealing that Trump’s businesses received at least $7.8 million in payments from foreign governments and entities while he was in office. The Democrats alleged that these payments violated the Constitution’s Foreign Emoluments Clause, which prohibits federal officials from accepting gifts or benefits from foreign countries without congressional approval.
China rents whole floors in Trump Tower, Russian Oligarchs stay at Mar-a-Lago, and North Korea bought millions of “Make America Great Again” hats.
Britney Spears: I’m a ghostwriter now and I love it
Britney Spears has confirmed that she has no plans to release a new album, despite rumors. She says she is happy to write songs for other people as a ghostwriter, and that her memoir was published with her approval.
The first think Britney had to find out: a ghostwriter doesn’t have to be dead.
Trump’s 2024 Bid Under Fire: More Voters Challenge His Ballot Access
Voters in Illinois and Massachusetts have filed challenges to remove Donald Trump from the 2024 ballot under the 14th Amendment’s insurrectionist ban, which bars anyone who engaged in or supported insurrection against the US from holding office. The US Supreme Court is expected to review a Colorado ruling that found Trump ineligible to run for office, which could settle the matter for the whole country.
Trump’s lawyers have a big challenge trying to get a favorable ruling from the Supreme Court. For starters, their client doesn’t know how to spell “insurrection.”
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The Big No-Nos After Sex:
A sex and intimacy coach reveals the seven things you should never do after having sex, such as checking your phone, talking about your ex, or jumping out of bed. She explains that these actions can disconnect you from your partner and ruin the energy transfer that occurs during and after sex. There are some other things that you probably shouldn’t do after sex:
- Say “Wow. I hope the nanny cam caught all that action!”
- Ask your roommate to come in the bedroom to give you a high five.
- Roll over, grab your teddy bear, and fall asleep.
- Three words: Post on Facebook.
- Well, it’s a little late for this now, but the one thing you should have done after sex is ask Jeffrey Epstein to take your name off the guest list.
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Keeping you Abreast, a Wintry Weekend, & Green Day: Headlines, January 3
ESPN exposes more than just college football on New Year’s Day
ESPN’s New Year’s Day broadcast of the College Football Playoff semifinals was marred by a mishap that showed a woman flashing herself on Bourbon Street. The network faced ridicule and criticism for the blunder, which overshadowed the thrilling games on the field.
I want to know if the ESPN film crew threw the lass some beads.
Snow, Rain, and Wind: Winter Storm Threatens the East This Weekend
A winter storm will likely bring snow, rain, and wind to parts of the East this weekend, but the snowfall forecast is highly uncertain. The storm’s track and the availability of cold air are two factors that will determine how much snow will fall and where especially near the Interstate 95 corridor.
The worst part is some people on the East Coast still can’t remember where they parked their cars on New Year’s Eve.
Green Day Slams ‘MAGA Agenda’ in New Year’s Eve Show, Sparks Outrage Among Trump Fans
Green Day altered the lyrics of their 2004 hit “American Idiot” to denounce Trump supporters during their performance at Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve With Ryan Seacrest. The punk trio, with a history of anti-Trump activism, faced a backlash from angry fans on Twitter while preparing to release their new album, Saviors, later this month.
Trump supporters were all up in arms, asking the band, “Can’t you be less political, like those nice boys in ‘Rage Against the Machine?'”
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Denmark’s Queen, Times Square, and Robot Judges: Headlines for Tuesday, January 2
Queen Margrethe to abdicate after 52 years, says ‘now is the right time’
Denmark’s Queen Margrethe II announced her abdication in her New Year’s speech, saying she will hand over the throne to her son, Crown Prince Frederik, on January 14, 2024. The 83-year-old monarch cited her age, health, and the changing times as the reasons for her decision, and thanked the Danish people for their support.
In addition to Denmark, soon-to-be King Frederik also will become King of Greenland. However, to keep that title, once a year he has to fight the Abominable Snow Monster.
New York City rang in 2024 with Sparkle and Security
New York City held its annual massive New Year’s Eve celebration in Times Square Sunday night, with a dazzling ball drop and tight security measures. Hundreds of thousands of people joined the party, while the NYPD and the FBI assured there were no credible threats to the city.
The one security threat that nobody could protect against in the crowd: a drunk peeing on your shoes.
Roberts Touts AI in Courts, Dodges Ethics and Trump Issues
Chief Justice John Roberts praised the potential of artificial intelligence to improve access and efficiency in the federal courts but warned of the risks and limitations of relying on it. He did not comment on the ethical practices of the Supreme Court justices or the legal cases involving Donald Trump, which could affect the 2024 election.
Roberts’ biggest issue with AI is that billionaires can’t bribe robots.
Will Smirk for Food 